***UPDATE*** Over Under my BFF (Big Fat Friend) James Nails a Chick

It has been too long since my last post...

But its now time for an update. With about 40 days left on the Over/Under, My BFF James is now entering wedding season, this may prove to be a crucial time for those, like Levi Lockman, who went with the under. When i tried contacting Levi via email asking him his thoughts on his these next few critial weeks, i got an auto-reply saying "Kubz, Why is your shit in my inbox area". Next i tried contacting Senior Ryan, but between the mumbling and Spanish speaking i managed to only understand "Ponga las manos detras de usted".

BFF James is leaving tonight on his first of many weekend wedding trips. When asked to comment on the bet James said "dude, i told you i could if i wanted too. but i have insanely high standards, that why when i do show up with like a 12 (or two 6's) people tell me they don't believe it". when asked when the last time this actually happened he was unable to provide an accurate date. BFF James went on to say "you guys will be the first to know if it happens, but unless i get super wasted it probably won't, you know i want to wait till I'm married"

I also have learned some inside information from confidential sources that attending some of these weddings will be Ex's of BFF James. This information, if true(confirmation that these are indeed Ex's of BFF James and that he is not actually the gay best friend of said Ex's was unavailable at this time), may sway the minds of those undecided.

So there you have it, for those of you holding the betting tickets with the under, hope for an open bar.

I will be tracking "BFF James Chick Watch '09" as it happens stay tuned for updates as soon as they happen. I have booked BFF James for a Sunday phone interview with recaps of the weekend.

My first week in Georgia, quotes from PT instructors, and things i have learned so far

Well as you all know (well if you managed to find my website you probably know me in some way) i am now in georgia training to be a gov't law enforcemnent agent. It is very hot and humid here, today its 95 and 80% humidity and the locals told me this is late spring to them. makes me excitied for those 3-4-5 mile runs i will be doing.

i was going to take some pictures and show you the places, things and my fairly awesome room (no joke its pretty sweet, its like a decent size hotel room) around the base but i forgot that its the goverment and i would probably lose my job if i took any pictures of the funtivities i do here.

with that being said, things have been going pretty good, i have to get up by about 5:30am if i want to make the 6am bus(they bus us around the campus, its probably a 15min walk to the dinner hall from the dorms) to breakfast in time so i can eat and still make it to lineup before our class coordinator comes inspects us. one guy wore the wrong belt and was told to run back to the dorm and back with the correct belt on. now i know its only 7am but its still like 80 degrees and 100% humidity still that early, plus we are in full gear, that totally sucked for that guy.

Thursday our class had our inital PT test and also some PT fun time with the PT instructor, it sucked way bad, but here are some select quotes and conversations during that first session

"Open your eyes, this is not a dream, yes the mats are blue"
--ok i was trying not to laugh at this one, i dont know if he was trying to yell at me or if he thought i was colorblind

"You are not a snake, stop slithering on the ground"
--if i hadent been in so much pain and in push up position i would have been laughing, one of the guys was getting so tired he just went down while in push up position

"Stop panting, you are not a dog"
--interesting choice of motiviational yelling

"you can quit at anytime, there are 3 exit doors in this room, in fact one of them has a green lit up exit sign on it"
--wow really?, hmm, if i entered the room from a door i think i would be capable of finding the same door out, but thank you sir.

here is one of my favorites this is a conversation between one of the trainiees and a PT instructor. we were about 30min into tourture stretching and position holding and at this point we were told to have our arms straight out in front of us like frankenstien
PT Guy: "Do you think you could hold this gun"
Trainiee: "Yes, Sir"
PT Guy: "Are you sure"
Trainiee: "Yes, Sir"
--PT Guy then puts his rubber fake gun back in the holster and walks away defeated, this was soo funny but none of us dared laughing. the funny part about this whole thing was there was about 5 other PT instructors in the room and this was the first time this guy spoke up and tried yelling at one of us, all i could picture was him sitting at home the night before thinking to himself ideas of ways to "motivate" us to do better and all of a sudden he comes up with this great line, he writes it down on scrap paper and puts it into his short shorts (they all wear short shorts, why, i think its an ego thing...Also, i had no idea why i was required to wear shorts that even NBA players from 1982 would consider too short)

"Why are you shaking, You are not a salt shaker"
--wait what?


anyway so thats kinda a summary of how things are going soo far, i've been trying to work on my reviews for mexico, but with training about 12 hours a day (by the time i get back to my room its 5:30) i dont have much motivation to attempt to be funny.

If you guys are bored or just want to laugh at me, give me a call, and i'll tell you stories that will make your bad day look like a day at the beach, or at least make it not as bad.

later
Kubz

What I Just Saw

While doing some yard work today I glanced up to see a man drive by. Not just anyman, but a man driving an electric wheel chair and on his lap was a empty propane tank. He was in a mad dash to get it filled. Looks like a great day to BBQ.

Beaver and Butthole

All I want to see is an E True Hollywood Story on Beavis and Butthead.

Buz vs. Peepers

Ok ladies and gentlemen this is Buz and my brother Peepers and I are going to debate something that I heard slip out his mouth earlier. He said Wesley Snipes is a great actor for doing horror movies along with all of the other mainstream actors that dabble in the horror culture. I on the other had think it is for other reasons which I will state in my opinions.

Peepers: Well then well my take on it is today I see a lot of very good actors in horror movies.... well I believe there is two reasons for that.. One is there looking for work and two I think their trying to show that their not just a one trick pony.. There are very many horror movie and horror movie remakes that have come out lately which surpass the original....Like I said this is just my opinion and I hope they remake and come out with many more great movies....PEACE!~

Ok Peepers, Will Farell i s a one trick pony (as he yells from the smoking room). But he does not do horror movies. Wesley Snipes on the other hand does. Aside from the fact they Wesley may have to pay 5 million in back taxes and probably sit at least a year in the penal system. Mr. Snipes is the so called Icon of the Blade series. Seriously what is the last REAL movie that Wesley has been in. White Men Can"t Jump has been years ago and really all that that movie did was give dorky ass white men think they can ball and chill with the "thug life". Wesley is doing horror movie cuz HE CANNOT GET ANY OTHER WORK. Who wants to pay him so ridiciously salary for some movie that will have 1 big week in the theaters and then be shit until it comes out on DVD. Peepers is next to me and getting all agitated about this and wants to voice his comeback so here he comes. Maybe Woddy Harrelson will do horror movies. Actually I have note seen Leonardo Capario in much lately...maybe he is working on some lame horror/suspense movie.

Peeper: Ok well i have to say yes wesley hasen't been in a GREAT movie in a while but I think hes has been in enough of them for it no to really matter that much.. Also its always great to see a veteran in something you wouldn't expect and totally see them in a different light. I swear if woddy had a good lead on a great horror movie he would take advantage, no doubt about it. you have so many great actors doing it , liv tyler (The Strangers) (Jon Cusack 1408) I just think these type of movies are getting a lot more attention and are grossing a lot more income then they ever have in the past.

Chrome Penis Man Novelty Dog Style Meat Cooker

I first heard about novelty hot dog cookers on a forum back in November of 2007.  Upon seeing this feat of modern culinary engineering, I knew I had to get one.  So I headed out to a giant strip mall featuring such stores on Target, Wal-mart, Sam's Club, World Market, Pier 1 Imports, Linens N' Things, Home Depot, Lowe's, and Subway.  I closely examined the inventory in the kitchen and home section of each of the previously mentioned stores.  To my dismay, I was completely skunked.

Disgruntled, I headed home and did the only thing that any reasonable man would do in my circumstance - I cried myself to sleep.  The next morning I returned to the forum to see if I could find more information about buying the excellent hot dog cooking product.  In an amazing twist of fate, I accidentally clicked the "EB" button on my bookmarks bar in Safari ("links" bar for you windows users).  The "EB" button took me straight to the greatest online marketplace of all time, eBay.  My heartbeat grew faster as I knew I was seconds away from being able to pick from any number of novelty hot dog cookers.  After sifting through the various ads, I arrived at one that offered 5 of the cookers for $49.99 shipped.  The deal was sealed via "Buy it Now" within 2 minutes.  Not only was the price and shipping fair, but the cookers were chrome.

Last week was my first opportunity to use the cooker.  Brats are one of the more difficult items to grill, in my opinion, based on their high grease content and propensity to flare up

and burn to a crisp.  Not with the chrome penis man hot dog cooker.  The brat cooked perfectly and timely.  It was juicy and delicious.

I highly recommend the penis man novelty hot dog cooker for everyone, as it is an integral part of any man's grilling equipment arsenal.  Make no mistake - if you invite me to your barbecue and don't have a chrome penis man hot dog cooker, I will leave and steal your dog on the way out.

This marvel of modern hot dog cooking equipment receives 5 out of 5 flying monkees.

The Alternative Holiday

Today is April 20th and is considered a holiday among some social networks and life styles. Whether you celebrate or not is your own business. The activities that you participate in and what keeps you entertained is what is important. Some people have family gatherings like what is done on Christmas. If it is a nice day some may take it outside for a nature trip, disc golf perhaps. And almost religiously, some still drive out to the dessert to worship the sun gods. I started by rolling out of bed around noon. Had the hydrophonics concert last night at the Carpet and it was High Class. As I got up and got my head thinking straight I was craving some Trailer Park Boys. Those of you that are uninitiated; Trailer Park Boys is a mock reality show about the shitty, stereotypical people that live in trailer parks. This is a Canadian show that is not shown in the United States. It is honestly the funniest thing I have ever seen. South Park, Family Guy, Beavis and Butthead separately, not a chance. Combined...maybe. I highly recommend you checking out more of their episodes.

Check out the first 3 or so minutes of this clip. I challenge you to leave me a comment on something that is more embarrassing than this.




The next 3 videos are of Ricky. Ricky is about as dumb as they come. Ricky is also a genius.





This is a court hearing Ricky had to go to so he could get his daughter back. She is 9 years old and was pulled over for driving in the trailer park. The look on the Judge's face is priceless!





Best line from this video. "This is such bullshit Donny. Your gonna throw me out of jail are ya? I got every right to be in this fuckin jail and to serve my sentence. Darrin, you got to play in nets. Wayne don't get drunk before the games. Steve move up to left wing."




Well this has taken up an hour of my day. Hope you enjoy it.